Workplace Burnout: How People-Pleasing and Overworking Keep You Stuck

If you were to ask me what the biggest theme that comes up in my sessions with clients is, I would tell you: burnout. Specifically, workplace burnout. For ease, I will abbreviate it as W.B.O. Maybe that’s not the best for SEO practices (business owners, iykyk), but it doesn’t matter. W.B.O. is defined as being in a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by unmanaged work-related stress.

I’m going to jump right into who I notice suffers from W.B.O. the most: people-pleasers, mostly women, who are still struggling with core wounds from childhood such as “I’m not good enough” and “my needs don’t matter.”

It’s important that I mention this because although we should really blame our capitalist society that expects us to overwork with little reward, a lack of boundaries and self-respect also plays a role and can exacerbate the already busy lives we live.

I can already hear the crowd booing.

Before you start throwing your tomatoes, I’m aware there are many moving parts to a toxic workplace. I could write an entire blog on the epidemic of narcissistic managers, or how the state of our economy increases our tolerance for disrespect (if you’re afraid of losing your job, you’re more likely to tolerate BS).

Validating all of these factors— this blog is for a certain audience. I’m thinking of my clients.

The woman in her 20s or 30s wanting to make a good impression in her government job.

The woman in her 40s struggling with her manager’s increasing expectations.

The young man entering a private company and afraid of saying no to working overtime.

Not Everything Is an Emergency. Learn to Pause.

If you grew up in a chaotic environment, your nervous system may be wired to stay stuck in the stress response. An email comes in and your body tenses. You feel a sense of urgency, although it’s not an urgent request.

Perhaps it’s an email from your manager or a colleague about a task you know you have all day to complete, or maybe even all week, yet your body is sensing false urgency.

Even if it’s a question posed to you that you can answer in five minutes—take the five minutes.

First, be aware of this sense of urgency and how it shows up for you.

Does your body tense up? Do you have tunnel vision and start responding right away?

If so, notice and pause.

It can wait. They can wait.

Setting High and Unrealistic Expectations: Reset the Cycle

If you identify as a people-pleaser, then you know that when you start a new job, you give your 120%. You go above and beyond because you are trying to prove that you are worthy and good enough for this job.

First, let’s identify that these core wounds of “I’m not good enough” and “I’m not worthy” are much older than this new job and possibly stem from childhood or early adulthood experiences. I won’t go into how to heal from these wounds—that’s a whole other topic, and I strongly encourage you to work with a therapist on this (perhaps one of our wonderful therapists? click MEET OUR TEAM to learn more).

Now that we’ve identified that you may be bringing old wounds into a new experience, let’s also acknowledge that when you give people a mile, they expect a mile.

I know that’s not the exact saying, but stay with me.

I often tell my clients: it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is consciously taking advantage of you (it can be—we don’t know what their intentions are), but how can you take responsibility for setting an expectation in a dynamic? A dynamic that leads to W.B.O.

If you showed up to my therapy office and I offered you a customized latte every time, by the sixth session, you’d skip your morning coffee because you know your therapist will make you one. Does that make you a bad person who takes advantage of others?

No.

I set an expectation, and you responded to it. That's how behavioural conditioning works.

FYI, I do not make my clients lattes and, unfortunately, I am virtual-only—sorry to disappoint.

Now that you’re taking responsibility for the high and unrealistic expectations you’ve set in your workplace, my question to you is: how can you slowly dial it back to a comfortable place where you’re still doing your job well, but not at the cost of your emotional and mental health?

Now that you’re resetting the cycle of expectations, expect some pushback.

If I realized making a latte for every client was too time-, money-, and energy-consuming, I could do a few things. For one, being a barista is not a part of my job description as a therapist. I would respectfully let my clients know in advance that there will be no more lattes and offer an alternative. "There are teas in the waiting room with a kettle. Please help yourself!"Most clients will be understanding, there may be a few that will be dissapointed. I could even lose a client. In a few weeks however, the self-serve tea station will become the new norm. New clients wouldn't know about the latte's and current clients would've moved on. That is successfully resetting an unhealthy cycle, even with some loss.

If you’re cutting back on something that is in your job description, but you just went too far with it, giving it your 120%, ask yourself: what would it look like to complete this task at a more reasonable percentage?

Still producing very good, quality work—but allowing yourself the mental, emotional, and energetic room to continue producing work for the rest of the day.

The goal isn’t to stop caring, stop working hard, or suddenly become the person who responds to every email three business days later. It’s about learning to recognize when your nervous system is treating everything like an emergency and giving yourself permission to slow down. You can be a good employee without being the most available employee. You can do excellent work without giving 120% every single day. And you can have ambition while still having boundaries. Burnout prevention isn’t about doing less just for the sake of doing less—it’s about creating a way of working that your mind and body can actually sustain.